After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
