So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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