Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
