I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
