I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
