New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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