i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize