Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nutella sex= disaster
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
