from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
