we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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