Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize