Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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