I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
