Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize