did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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