i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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