We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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