need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
