You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
