she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When did angry sex become our thing?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
