this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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