Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
