I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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