Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
