Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize