im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
