How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
