Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
