i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
