I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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