just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
