Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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