Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
