I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
