I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
