Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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