brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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