Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
