cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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