Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
