btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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