Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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