Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
