When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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