Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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