When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
