we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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