A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
should my penis look like a turkey
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
