I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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