17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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