I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize