I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
