There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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