I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
