I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
