Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
