How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
