Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
