there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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