Don't you send me to vm
someone threw a dead crab at me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
