so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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