the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
