We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There r osticjed everywhere
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
