I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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