he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
