the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can I color on your dick again?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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