..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize