it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
