guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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