Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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