You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
