she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
