I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
