I want to stick my p in your. b.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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