omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize