Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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