It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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