I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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