my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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