He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
