i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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