**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
