If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
