Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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