He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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