Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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