people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i drank out of a bidet.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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