I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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