where am i from again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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