I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
